Money stress doesn’t just affect your bank account. It affects your peace, your relationships, and the stories you carry about what you deserve.
In this live episode of Dr. Sev Talks Money, I sat down with LaQueshia Clemons, LCSW, TOM®, AFC®, a Financial Therapist and founder of Freedom Life Therapy and Wellness, for a conversation that goes beneath the surface.
LaQueshia brings something rare to this space. She blends clinical therapy with financial education to help us understand the emotional side of money in a way that actually leads to healing and change.
Women on the Move is a Women’s History Month series highlighting women who are building, leading, and redefining success on their own terms.
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Connect with LaQueshia here:
Website: http://www.freedomlifetherapy.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laqueshiaclemons/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themoneytherapist_1/
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The Dr. Sev Talks Money podcast’s mission is to empower women to approach money confidently, reframe their financial habits, and build a future where their money is a tool for opportunity and security.
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Transcript
Have you ever done everything right with money and still felt completely overwhelmed? What are the biggest source of money? Stress isn’t the numbers but the story We believe about them today. We are exploring the connection between emotional patterns and financial behavior. How to move from money conflict to money, clarity, even in our relationships.
Welcome to Dr. Sev Talks Money. I am your host, Dr. Sev, and this is The Women on the Move Series where we highlight women who are building, leading, and redefining success on their own terms. I’m excited because I’m joined today by Laquisha Clemons. Practitioner who blends clinical insight with financial empowerment to help clients understand not just how they spend, but why.
Welcome to the show Laquisha.
Thank you, Dr. Sev. I am so excited to, to be here and honestly, I’m, I’m very honored to, to be sitting here with you and thank you for thinking of me and inviting me onto this platform.
My pleasure. My pleasure. I just know that this is going to be a great conversation, um, because we know that money is so much more than the numbers.
It, a bigger part of it is the emotion and the things that, the way we were socialized to money. And so we wanna talk a little bit about that. And we also wanna talk about your practice and how, how people can find you. But lemme just, just dive right in right now. Um, and so I wanna start off by. Talking about the different hats that you wear.
You are a licensed clinical social worker. You’re a trauma of money practitioner. You’re a certified financial therapist, and you’re an accredited financial counselor. And I know that all of these work well to serve your client with excellence. So if you could kind of just give us a synopsis of, of each of those and how they work together to serve your client well.
Yes, absolutely. So they all really blend really well together when it comes to helping clients, when with their money and, and emotions. So being a licensed clinical social worker, that is what I am, you know, by trade. I, I went to school, have my master’s degree and. In social work. So I really understand behaviors and mental health diagnosis.
Uh, I really am able to blend that clinical work that you do as a licensed practitioner in social work, and I’m able to now. Bring that over into the, to the money side of things. Mm-hmm. So with that being said, that is also why I decided to get all these other certifications as well. ’cause they blend so nicely together.
Um, but being an accredited financial counselor, that helped me more so understand the, the money piece of things, the financial, the personal finance piece of things, because there’s a lot of moving parts when it comes to personal finance and the. Different things that go on with personal finance, but that gave me that education for that.
Being trauma of money practitioner, uh, and a certified financial therapist. Those hats really help to bring things kind of together and blend. And what I love about trauma of. Of money methods is, it really helps you to see what we would say in social work on a macro level, it helps you to, to see things on a, on a bigger scale to understand like how our society is viewing money and how that affects us as the individual, um, and the things that we can do to, to make change.
And then being that certified financial therapist. Blends it all together. So you got a little bit of the personal finance things, but you also have the emotional side of things. And it’s really about coming together to again, understand those behaviors and those patterns, those emotional things that come up for, for clients.
Um, so they blend really well together. They compliment each other. Uh, and it has helped me a lot on my journey when it comes to helping my clients.
Yeah. Yeah, I can see how they would work because, and I, I like that you brought in the fact that the trauma of money, uh, gives you a macro view because we do need that.
Right. Um, and not just to, to work with clients directly, but to understand the, the environment. In which they’re operating as they are learning how to manage their money. And so I wanna, um, acknowledge some folks that are jumping in. Hi Beverly. Thank you so much for joining us. Um, thank you Betty for joining us today.
And Beverly saying here, I have a degree in human services also, but I just never went into the social work field.
Well, that’s awesome too. Human human service is definitely a big need too.
Yeah. Yeah. So, all right, so we, we talk a little bit about, you know, the fact that all of these blend well to connect the financial wellbeing with the emotional wellness.
Share a little bit about your story and what led you to even think about connecting all of these.
Yeah. So, um, when it comes to like finding your, your niche, I guess you could say is I really got into this because I was going through my own money struggles. Um, I am first generation college graduate and I went to school, I went to college, I went to a four year college right after high school because that’s what they tell you to do.
Mm-hmm. Um, and so I did that and. S my mom, she signed up for all the student loans I signed up for, for all the student loans. Um, but we really didn’t know what we were signing up for. Uh, and, and even now, me and her, we talk about it and she was like, no, I didn’t know really how that process worked or, or what was going on with, with that process.
I was just like, all right, I want you to go, I want you to go to school. It was a big, big deal. Um, so I went, I went and I also went to, I also was in a town that had a mall in it. Now being a young 18, 19-year-old, uh, and with. Now a whole bunch of friends. It was like we were hanging out at the mall all the time.
Uh, but I, that led me to signing up for probably every credit store, credit card you could think of. I couldn’t wait to have a credit card if you said, Hey, 20% off if you sign for it, credit card, okay, I’ll do it. I was definitely, definitely one of those. I was just. Hey, I was 18. I’m like, yep, I can do it.
Like I’m, I’m gonna do it. And, um, that though led me into a lot of credit card debt early on. So I quickly entered into by the, maybe like let’s say 25, $30,000 of credit card debt. Uh, because it took me some time to actually face it. I had got to a point where I was just living paycheck to paycheck. I had graduated from college and I had gotten a job, but I was not seeing, I.
The return really because I was too busy putting, paying for all my, my credit card debt all,
yep.
All this debt I had rack racked up. Um, and, you know, when you’re young, you’re also trying to like go out and be out on, on your own. So I didn’t, I didn’t wanna live with my parents and I wanted to be able to, um, just do whatever it is that I, that I wanted, wanted to do, but.
What was happening was money was actually holding me back and I didn’t realize what a resource money, money could be now as a social worker. ’cause I started getting into social work as, as a social worker. I was seeing clients that were also having a lot of different money struggles. And so I started saying, what is going on?
What is happening? Why does this, why does this occur? Um. How did we, like how, how do we get here? And that put me down the rabbit hole with Google of me trying to figure it out because it wasn’t that I just needed to make more money, it was that I needed to understand my behaviors and where they came from.
And that led me,
yeah.
Look back, you know, at my own parents and their journey.
Yeah. I love that you said that because that is, you said, I didn’t necessarily need to make more money. I needed to understand my behaviors with the money that I have. And we’re going to get into some of the myths around that too, because, you know, our, our part of our series is titled Money Stress Lies.
So we’re gonna talk about that. But I love that you said that because a lot of people are listening, are thinking, maybe I need more money. But sometimes that is not necessarily answer. It may be trying to understand your behavior around the money and why. How to spend that money so that it does what you need it to do.
Because the more money you make, if the habits don’t change, if the mindsets don’t change, you make more money and six months later you’re dissatisfied in that new job because you’re made money, more money, but you’re spending it. And, and, and then as you, as you continue right, you, you make more money and then six months later you wanna change jobs.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
That’s what, that’s what I thought it was. I was like, I just need to make more money. But that wasn’t what it was.
Yeah. And, and hey, welcome here, Dr. Ninja Turtle. Um, said here I did like, uh, LA. And it was out of my own young, at 18 out my own. Yeah, and here’s the thing too, it’s not even the age so much because a lot of us haven’t been taught.
But if you’re taught, then you are going to, your, your behavior will be different from somebody who was never taught. Absolutely. So, you know, you’re thinking, oh, freedom, you’re free from parents telling you what to do. You’re free to spend how you want to, not thinking that five years down the road, I need to pay this back.
Yeah. Yeah. I was, I was, I was definitely, definitely that and, and I didn’t, I really did not understand how credit cards work. When I look back and I understand, I now I do, but back then I didn’t. I didn’t know how it worked and no one ever taught me how, how it worked. I saw, I saw my mom go to the mall and swipe and spin and come to find out she was actually coping with her own stressors.
And that was, that was how she did it. So I was like, oh, this. This is what are you supposed to do?
Yeah. Yeah. ’cause we learn by, by, by, by doing. Right? Or we learn by seeing what, what’s around us. And we’re, we’re gonna touch on money stories in a little bit, but that’s what we do. We learn by what we’ve seen, what we’ve been told.
Um, and even in movies, what we’ve seen observe from parents, how parents even interact with each other, um, around money. So that’s how we learn. ’cause we, we come into this world absent anything around money. Um. And, and so how we are going to learn about money is by what we see. What we hear. Um, and Dr.
Mincha Tur is here is saying Here, I had a good paying job where I was miserable. And sometimes that means walking away from the good paying job.
Yeah.
And, but still, even if we find a job that is making less than what we had before, there are ways to live because think about all the people that we know, right.
Not everybody’s making six figures.
Mm-hmm.
But somehow they learn how to manage what they have. So it’s never about the money. More money gives you better options, but it’s never about the amount. So much of how do we manage what it is. Um, and Betty is saying here, I make sure I teach my children because the grandchildren and, um, especially with the grandchildren, because.
No one told me. And, and that’s one of the reasons why I do this job. I do this, this, these broadcasts because, and the same, Dr. Ninja has a um, um. YouTube also, and we do this because we want to make sure that people understand that having debt is not the end of the world, that you can recover from it. But if you haven’t gone there, we wanna give you ways to think about money differently so that you don’t go down the path that we went down, down and, and learn trying to help you with.
I would have four cards, um, for years and no need for anymore credit cards. Yeah. And it’s not even the number of credit cards so much is managing that, right.
Managing. Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
because I definitely entered, I would cons, I would say that credit cards became, that was my financial trauma around it, and it was something I avoided for years as I was digging myself out.
And even when I got out of credit card debt, I was like, no, no, no. Credit cards are evil. However, that has shifted since I’ve learned how to manage credit cards and I understand them, and now I use them for my benefit.
Yeah, yeah. I, I, listen, I love to use all the people’s money,
right?
They call me, you know, in the back industry, I’m known as a deadbeat. Because I don’t allow them to get interest off my cars.
Exactly. Exactly. That’s
the key. Yes. Listen, you’ve gotta learn how to use it just like those um, millionaires do. Right? They don’t use their own money.
No.
So we gotta learn. We gotta learn the system.
I do. I travel off for with my credit cards. The points. Points,
yep.
And I don’t, I put all, there’s the hackers. You put all your regular bills that you’re gonna pay for anyway on the credit cards, and then you, um, pay it off. ’cause you’re gonna, you’re gonna use your money in your account to, to pay for it.
And now, now you got points. So now you’re, you’re winning and no interest. So. Yeah.
Yeah. And Betty can probably relate to that ’cause she’s, she’s a traveling queen. She loves to travel. Yeah. So one of the subtitles in the show is money stress Lies. So, so let’s talk about what most people, um, get wrong about what is actually causing their money stress.
And I’m going to, at the end of this, I want to give you a. A few, um, myths, uh, that I’d love for you to discuss, but, you know, basically right now I’d love for you to just kind of give us a brief, um, summary of what it is, is that you think people get wrong. When, what, when they let, let me start over. What do most people often get wrong about what is actually causing their money?
Stress.
Yeah. Um, that they, they feel as though they just need to budget or one plus one equals two. Um, and while yes it does, it’s, it’s. It’s also the emotional piece that people miss a lot. Mm-hmm. Especially in relationships. Uh, people forget, people don’t realize how emotional money actually is. Yes. And they just think that, that, you know, all right, we just need a budget.
We need a budget this way through. While, yes, I’m all for. For a good budget, a spending plan, how, whatever it is that you wanna call it, um, you also have to recognize the connect, the emotional connection that you have to it as well. So, uh, I would say that that is part, that is definitely one myth. But what were the myths that you were thinking of?
Okay, so I have three that I put together. Well, I have four, but I’ll do the other one when we get to the couple section. Um, there’s one, if I just made more money, I wouldn’t be distressed.
Ah, that’s a good one. That’s a good one for a lot of different reasons because while. And you said it, you said it earlier, while making more money might bring other things or might be able to, um, make you feel better.
In, in some ways, you could still be stressed because again, it comes back to your relationship. You could be a six figure earner and still be living paycheck to paycheck and still, still be struggling. But if you don’t, if you don’t have a healthy relationship with with money, then. The, the dollars, the amount you make isn’t, it doesn’t matter.
It really doesn’t. Um, so while making more money might help open up other doors for you and opportunities for you and more convenience for you, but your relationship with money is the key to, to it all.
Yeah. Yeah. All right. So the other one I have is money problems are really just math problems.
See? Uh, nope.
I wish I really do, and I’ll say this, um, because there’s so much shame and, and judgment when it comes to money.
Mm-hmm.
That. A lot of people think that they’re the only ones feeling the way that they’re feeling when it comes to money and that their coworker or their neighbor or their friend or their sister or whoever, they’re not having these troubles are never have had that, and that’s a big myth.
And something that’s not true, and I can guarantee you that, uh, the next person has, is feeling the same way you’re feeling or have felt that before. Um, and with with that, you know, people. People have to stop taking the shame and judge, stop taking shame and judgment when it comes to money and recognize that, you know, we’re, we’re all in this together, we’re all unstable.
And the more we talk about it,
yes,
the, the, the more we’ll realize like, oh, like you feel this way too way. I feel this way. And you’re not alone.
Yeah. Yeah. I always say silence and secrecy. Hides the shame of money. Mm. Once you talk about it, then it, then you realize that you are never alone. Mm-hmm. Um, and if we think about it again, you know, if that comes to the emotional part, right?
Because we’re in our bubble and we are so emotionally tied to the mistake, quote unquote, that we’ve made that we can’t see beyond that, that. Think about it as human beings, we’re going to make mistakes. Yeah. We’re gonna do things that are, that we really don’t want to do. Yeah. Because I know I’m supposed to eat right, but I don’t always eat right
and it’s not because I don’t want to. Lose these, these, um, COVID pounds that has been hanging around. I do want to lose them.
Yeah.
But I, I, I know what to do, but that doesn’t mean I do it. And, and so it’s the same with money. We may make some mistakes or do some things that. Um, really is against our goals and against our, our values or plans, but there are ways to recover from that.
Mm-hmm.
And if we hide behind what we feel as shame and we don’t talk about it, we don’t find somebody we trust to share or, or come into my community, like I have a community on school. Um, the school platform where, you know, I encourage sharing because there are other people who are going through the same or similar things.
And the more we share, the more we’ll realize that I’m not alone. And then we can start finding solutions.
Exactly.
Because silence again, it hides that shame.
Exactly. And you know, something I like to tell, um, the people, some of the people that I work with, because they’ll get shameful around money, is I have financial advisors, I have accountants, I have money people that come sit in my chair in my office.
Mm-hmm. Um, and they, they’ll be running companies and managing a whole lot of money for work and they do a fabulous job managing money. For work, but when it comes to their own money and what’s happening at home, then it’s emo it’s so emotional that they, it’s a whole other story. So I always say like, you know, even the ones where you think they’re, they’re doing it right, they gotta be doing it well, they also have their own own issues too.
Yeah. Yeah. It’s funny ’cause um, last week. Um, podcast was, we talked about that same thing where in a healthcare professional, you see we’re making the six figures or we’re making a lot of money, um, and everything seems to be okay on the outside. But inside your financial turmoil. And that’s the reason why even no matter who you are, we all have, or, or, or the thing about money that causes us some problems.
And even as a coach working with other people, I have someone to help me because there’s a thing about being emotionally attached to money that we, we don’t see the big picture. For ourselves because we’re emotionally attached to those decisions. Meanwhile, the people who you bring in to work with you, they’re not emotionally attached.
So you’re going to be able to see those blind spots that we can’t see because Oh no, no, don’t touch that. I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna sell that. No, no, don’t. But, but selling that thing may be the thing that starts you on the great, the right trajectory to recover financially. So, you know, again, as, um, the question said.
Um, is there are people who are doing well in their careers. They’re doing well, they’re making multiple six figures, but their finances are jacked up.
Mm-hmm.
And, and, and so they’re don’t, I don’t want anybody to feel that. Okay. I’m, I’m having this problem, but in the, and, and not be able to articulate it to somebody who can help you.
So don’t look at people who are, who seem to be thriving. Your neighbors seem to be thriving, buying all these fancy cars and everything. You’d never know what’s going on with their lives. Um, so if there’s something going on with you, you wanna open up mm-hmm. To somebody. About what’s going on. Absolutely.
Because you’ll be surprised. Solutions shame and silence hide solutions. And if we can open up, you’d be surprised how, what, how many solutions will come about.
Absolutely.
All right, so I have one more before we, um, do a quick, um, um, add break. Once I get my finances organized, the stress will go away. How about that one?
Um, somewhat So yes, it’s important to get your finances organized so that you can feel more just in control of, of your money, but it’s, again, it’s not necessarily that the stress will just go away because again, it comes back to what kind of relationship do you have? When it comes to, to your money, while you may get it organized, are you able to go in and look at your bank, your bank statements, you know, every week?
Is that something you, you can do or every month? Are you able to open up those credit card bills when they, when they come in? Or are you somebody that’s like, you know what, I got it organized. Everything’s on auto, then I should be good. Um, so. Auto is great, but you should be able to, you gotta be able to also like, look at your, your money, look at your finances and see what is really happening.
Because that’s the other thing. Our numbers do tell a story as well.
Yes, yes, yes. The numbers do. I love you. Love that you said that. And we’ll continue that, uh, train of thought once we come back from our end break. Hey friends, quick pause. If you’re enjoying today’s episode, the best way to support the show is to share it and leave a rating on your favorite podcast platform, and you know it.
Five is our favorite number, and if you’re watching on YouTube, don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share. Thank you. Alright, so, so let’s continue that, that train of thought that you had before. Um, when, and I lost my train of thought.
Uh. The numbers tell a story.
Yes, yes. Numbers tell a story. Let’s talk about that because it is so important, and that’s one of the reasons why I say, even when we make our mistakes and we are feeling shame, the thing is, how can we take that mistake and learn from it? Because again, it tells a story. What is the story that it’s telling us, and is it telling us a story that we need to continue on this?
What we consider a mistake may not be a mistake, so we continue on this trajectory. Or is it telling a story that this is a place that you did something that is not going to serve you well in the future. So let’s see what we need to do to turn that around. Mm-hmm. And so, um, having access to our data. The, the way that, uh, we are managing our money and really being able to look at that is one of the things that will help us to recover financially.
Because you talk about automatic, um, you know, setting up your payments automatic. And I don’t love that. I don’t love it. I, maybe I’m a control freak, but I don’t love automatic payments. ’cause I don’t want nobody going into my account. I do have it, but I just don’t like it. Um, but even setting up the automatic payment, we still wanna make sure that.
We know what’s going on.
Absolutely.
Uh, just don’t set it and forget it. Money should never be a set and forget it. Right.
Nope. It absolutely, it absolutely you, you always want to be knowing where your money’s going, what is coming. And when I say the money’s telling a story, it’s because there are things, like I know some people, so like let’s say coaching, like I, I’m all for coaching, love coaching, has do coaching stuff myself.
Um. But there are some people who they will like buy a coaching program consistently and constantly and they don’t ever implement what they’ve been taught already. Right. So there
just, I have stories about those.
So, so sometimes it’s like, Hey, you know, you wanna catch those things. ’cause you could, if you start looking at your numbers and maybe you’re trying to, you have other goals in mind and you could sit back and say, okay, I, I got into one coaching program and it took me three months and then maybe I took a month off and then I jumped into another coaching program and that was, that was six months, or whatever the case may be.
But then you start saying, oh well. All of this adds up to a certain, certain amount and I didn’t, I didn’t implement anything. Right. All it’s, it’s great to take in the information, but it’s like, okay, now you have to, to do the thing.
Yeah.
Or it could be sub. Subscriptions. ’cause that’s, that’s heavy in our, our culture and, and what we see nowadays is, and I’m sure you probably have had clients as well that have done this, where they sign up for all these different subscriptions and then they’re not even using it.
They don’t even. They’re just like, oh yeah, I forgot that you know it first it was free for a month and I forgot to turn it off and I’ve just been paying for it ever since. So you wanna catch these things. That’s why it’s so important for you to know like where your money is going, what it’s kind of story.
Is it, is it telling about you? Uh, ’cause you could also say to yourself, what is going on with me around that time? When maybe I’m constantly signing up for these subscriptions or maybe I’m signing up for this coaching, or, um, maybe this is when I end up in the mall and I’m going to go buy that bag, or whatever it is, you know, so you, you have to catch those things is what is this pattern that might be going on that I wanna catch and understand?
Why is that happening? What was going on with me around that time?
Yeah, those triggers, right.
Triggers.
Yes. Yes. Fatigue, um, lack of sleep, being hungry, all, they’re all, all those, those are all triggers that could cause us to spend money. And there’s nothing wrong with being with those feelings. It’s how can I put some things in place?
What are some road, um, some guardrails that I can put in place? I know when I get hungry, I do this thing.
Mm-hmm.
And I spend money. I don’t wanna spend on maybe eating out. So what are guardrails that I can put. Place to manage that, or I know that when I have an argument with somebody, I get emotionally drained and shopping is my thing.
Okay, I’m gonna have arguments with people, so what are some guardrails I can put in place? So again, it’s not the thing, it’s what are, what are the, what are the things that I can put in place to ensure that if, if that were to happen, if that emotion gets triggered. What are the things that I can do now to ensure that I don’t spend money the way I don’t want to?
Mm, yes. And that is, uh, very common. ’cause another big thing that that happens now is, uh, TikTok, like mm-hmm. Uh, people see and not, and they’re usually, they’re, they’re bored, they’re hungry, or they’re. Ready, they’re tired and they’re just strolling. And it’s very easy to be convinced market by marketers or you know, to be influenced.
But it’s so important for you to put different guardrails and you, this is where it’s like trial and error. You have to figure out. What’s gonna be the thing that works best for you? So if you know you’re somebody who’s like, Hey, uh, I end up ordering out, uh, too much, and I wanna limit that. Maybe you’re saying, okay, we’re gonna only do this once a week and this is gonna be it, but when those other days come and it’s not convenient and I can’t do it, what else can I, what can I do when I go to the grocery store?
Maybe I’m gonna have. Certain types of foods in my, in my freezer, refrigerator, so that I know I can just warm, warm them up and it, and I’ll be able to go. Or maybe you might be somebody who’s like, you know what, I’m just gonna cook certain meals for the week and be able to do that. Another thing when it comes to meals.
Uh, just ’cause this just popped in my head, is a lot of people now tend to get like, those like family, uh, dinners that like certain restaurants will put together and they’ll portion them out so that they last them for, for the week. So sometimes it’s about. Getting, getting creative. Like what is it that you can do that is gonna help you, that’s gonna benefit you when it comes to your goals?
’cause that’s what it comes back to, is what is your, what is your, your goal, what are you, what are you trying to, trying to do or trying to get at if, ’cause buying right now is so easy to do. If it means removing all your credit cards off of all the platforms, the Amazon and your wallet, and the, your virtual wallet.
Then you do that, but you have to figure out like how, what guardrails. Work best for you and it will take trial and error and it’s okay. Like you may mess up the, you know, first couple of times. That is completely okay. That is normal. Yes. That’s why you have to like find which which works for you.
Yeah.
Yeah. Love that. Love that. So, uh, in your practice, you, your private practice is Freedom, life Therapy and Wellness. Um, one of the, the groups of people that you, you work with are couples.
Mm-hmm.
So what are some things that couples most often get wrong about money, stress in their relationship? Because that’s a completely different ball game, right?
Individuals and couples is a different ball game.
Couples is a completely different, completely different ball game. And, and shout out to anybody who does couples work ’cause it’s not easy. Um, but what happens is, uh, couples just, they’re not on the same page and they’ll feel like, like it’s one person’s fault.
Like instead of. Uh, coming together to kind of take responsibility for the other. Usually what I see is one person, um, who’s like, it’s their fault as to why we’re, we’re in this mess. Like they did it all. And you’ll have your spender and your saver, uh, and a couple, and they’re like, usually the spender, the saver is like they spend too much.
It’s their fault. This is why we can’t, we can’t get out of this because they’re, they’re such the, the spender. Um, so we see a lot, a lot of that. But again, that comes back to understanding your relationship with, with money and how you both gonna come together with money when, uh, you may not understand your individual needs as with your relationship.
Yeah. I think here’s the thing too. It’s like making a meal, right? And you put, um, the, the flour in the flour has to now it has its own, its own, um, um, personality. And then you’re adding sugar with that. It has its own personality.
Mm-hmm.
And how they have to blend. And that’s how it is with couples, right?
Because we, my money story is going to be different. From your money story.
Absolutely.
I may think you are. We are. This is we. This is what’s important to spend on. And you think this is what’s important to spend on and there’s nothing wrong with those approach. It’s now we are, the couple have to think are.
What are the things that are important to our family?
Mm-hmm.
Not necessarily what I brought into the marriage. What you brought into the relationship is what now is the best strategy for us as a family. And that’s where I think of if a lot of people would think that way, it will. I think that would be more helpful.
Mm-hmm. Um, because yes, I may let like carves and you like purses. Nothing wrong with that. Nope. But as a family, if getting a new car every two years going to help our family is buying the latest purse, gonna help our family. So maybe now we sit down, I like cars, you like this? How can we make it work in the family dynamic?
And I think again, that is something that, uh, couples may not think about it. I read a study, um. Or something I read recently that talk about the stress mm-hmm. Of handling money inside the family. And a lot of times you have one person who, who manages the budget.
Mm-hmm.
Who manages the accounts and the other person just contributes.
And the person who usually feels the most stress is the one who manages the money because they have to shift things.
Yeah.
They have to make it work. I remember my ex-husband. Um, I had money lined up to do, uh, something to pay some bill and uh, when I went to go pay the bill, it was, the money wasn’t there.
And he said, well, I gotta send money to my mom ’cause she needs it. But you, you are not managing it. I am. And I know what’s, what’s due when. And that causes conflict.
It
does. Or if you, you know, or if you just decide you are gonna spend some money. And then I have written a check. And then the check bounces.
Yeah,
because you never communicated. So, you know, again, it’s, it’s not that what we think about it is wrong, it’s that we’re thinking about it. As a, as a single person.
Single
Yes. Rather. Rather than what it is that the family needs and what’s going to benefit the family.
Yeah, exactly. That’s why I always say that couples have to, when I, when they come together, I always say, come together.
Um, what is the goal here? What are your goals as a family? Mm-hmm. When you both are on those same goals and not having two individual different, well, yes, you should have individual goals, but also you wanna have those family goals. When you’re on the same page with that and you’re communicating about it, then you’re moving towards in the right direction instead of trying to manage it to different ways.
Yeah. And, and some of sometimes that leads to financial, um, infidelity.
Mm-hmm.
And, you know, because, um, you know, one person decides, well, I’m making the more, most, most money, so I’m gonna do whatever I want, absent concern for the home and what needs to happen in the home. Um, and it leads to financial. Um, financial trauma, it leads to financial, again, all the, all the things you can think of that happens with individuals, it happens in couples.
So here it is, I’m financially traumatized as a single person, and I get, get into this relationship and then financial trauma is created by the relationship. Yeah. So, so it really compiles. Yeah. Yeah. So here’s a, a myth that I’d like for you to talk about. Um, this one says Couples will fight about money or just incompatible.
That’s a good one. Um, no, not necessarily. ’cause again, we’re always gonna come back to when they’re fighting, when they’re fighting about money. Number, number one, they care. Like you, the fact that you’re fighting about it, you care. However, however, um. You’re fighting and if you don’t get any, um, I would say like assistance or help or mm-hmm.
Or feedback from somebody so that you can navigate a way for you to not always fight, fight about money. It is so, so important. So like talking to a, uh, a therapist or a coach, uh, around, around money as to how you guys can communicate. Communicate with it. ’cause that’s what it comes back down to as well.
Right. Is how do couples communicate about money to understand each other, because like you said, Dr. Seb, neither one will be wrong. It’s just that you’re trying to do things on an individual level and there’s no communi, there’s no, no communication that’s happening. So it’s definitely so important to.
Work with somebody, or sometimes just like, even if each couple like reads certain books to understand that piece of things, like they can even try to navigate this on, on their own. But I highly encourage couples to just have that mediator and have a person in in between initially.
Yeah. And, and as we’re talking about that, um, if anyone is interested in working, um, with laia, um, and I know I just pronounced your name wrong.
No, you, yes. Um, you know, um, of course she has, um, freedom Life Therapy and Wellness, and it’s one of the, um, only financial therapy business in. In, um, in your town, correct?
In Connecticut? Yes.
Yes. Yeah. So, so if you are, and, and you, do you work with people remotely or just in person or, okay. Remotely and in person?
Yep, we do. So if you are interested in, in speaking with her, I mean, she’s well qualified if you are listening at the beginning of the show. You heard that? Right? And not only is she qualified by the. The hats that she wear and the different certifications. She’s qualified by experience because she’s gone through this herself.
She is part of a couple, and she also has helped other couples and helped other individuals with their finances to get their finances together. So. Uh, if you are wanting to connect with her, I’m going to have all of her information in the show notes, in the description of the video and the show notes and everywhere else.
But if you want to, um, get in touch with her, um, well, what did I do with that? I have it right here. Um, you can get it to, excuse me with her on LinkedIn. And it’s, um, L-A-Q-U-E-F-H-I-A, uh, Clemens. And if you want, you can put the, the live link in the, in the, um, in the chat. So it lives in the, in the chat. Um, you can connect with her there.
If you are on Instagram, um, you can connect with her at the money therapist one. Underscore the number one again at the money therapist, underscore the number one. And, um, uh, she, you can connect with her and, uh, she’ll be able to serve you, um, with excellence as she’s been doing with all of her other clients.
Now, excuse
me, and I have a team too, so if I’m not available, I have a team of, of others that I work direct, that I work with, that I, uh, mentor. And so they’re. Definitely connected with me.
Okay. Awesome. Awesome. So let’s, let’s talk about if someone listening right now or listening to, to replay or on the podcast platform and they realize their money, stress is tied to deeper emotional patterns, what is one small step they can take, uh, toward a healthier relationship with money?
Um, well, I’ll say the fact that they have awareness. That is a, that’s a big step actually, that’s, having that awareness first is, is definitely something that you, you need. And then once you have that awareness, then you have to start asking yourself, you know, where does this. Come from, why is this happening?
And when you start to ask yourself those questions, then you can sit and reflect back as to what might be going, going on and how you’re feeling or where these feelings with money kind of shift. Where they come from, where, where, where you’re feeling them in your body and where maybe something happened in your past.
That might be contributing as to why you are feeling the way that you’re feeling when it comes to money.
Yeah. And we have a couple of comments in here about, uh, one being the saver and one being the spender. Um, and again, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s, it’s a matter of how can we make it work together as a com a couple, because I was the.
The most of the saver. I’m, I’m a really, really strong saver. Um, but I’m also able to see that if it’s something that benefits the family, I’m all for it.
Mm-hmm.
But if you’re gonna take the money and just put it on you, I have a problem with that. Yeah. Because then it’s not benefiting the family. Right, exactly.
So, yeah. So it, it’s not about even being the saver and the spender is making sure. That I’m understand. I’m the saver and that’s okay. And you are a spender and that’s okay. So let’s figure out a way that I can still save and satisfy that part of me. You can still spend satisfy that part of you. And we’re gonna create a budget that allows us to do those things.
’cause again, we don’t want, budgeting is never about constraints. It’s never about, um, living a life of, of not, of, you know, nothing of, of rice and beans or austerity. It’s never about that. It’s about how can we take what we have and set it up in a way that allows us to enjoy our lives without, you know, stressing about that.
We’re stressing about all those other things. Yes, compromise Betty. You know, it’s about it, it’s about compromise. Mm-hmm. I am who I am and that’s okay. Nobody should be changing themselves, uh, because they’re in a relationship now. We just need to figure out how to maybe tone that down because you are who you are.
Yep.
And how to maybe dial up something else and, and that’s how we compromise. That’s how we figure out a way to make what’s best, what is best for the family.
Mm-hmm.
What is best? For the, the home. What is best for our kids? What is, what are our goals? Because here’s the thing too, a lot of times families come together and they don’t have a goal.
No.
They don’t have a goal for the family. And that creates a problem.
It does.
Um, and that’s one of the reasons why, uh, you may, money is one of the biggest issue, uh, in, in family, but it’s not really the money. It’s the thing around money is, it’s, it’s not so much I don’t, um, the money that we we’re fighting about, but it’s the fact that I think you spend too much or I think you don’t save enough, or I think you shouldn’t have bought this or that.
It’s the action around the money and. And that’s what we’ve been talking about. Right.
And and just to add to that, it could also get sometimes even deeper with that action because sometimes it’s, I don’t want, I don’t, I necessarily don’t wanna buy the house, or maybe I don’t wanna have a baby, you know?
Yeah. Like things that. Contribute to what we need money for. And sometimes they’re just a little bit deeper and you’re acting out on that instead of expressing it, instead of talking about it within a relationship.
That is so key and welcome to the, the chat silver. Um, that is so key, what you said, because again, it’s, again, it’s about the goal if, what is our goal as a family?
Mm-hmm.
Um, because if someone, as you said, may not think, I, I don’t wanna buy a house. So they’re spending, because they’re, for them it is vacation, it’s all the other things that are important to them. And again, nothing’s wrong with that. But the other person, their thing is security comes through buying a home.
And, and so they, they never talk. So we’re gonna fight because you’re spending too much money on going on trips. And you’re, you’re just hoarding all the money. No, it’s not that. It’s because our goals are not aligned.
They’re different.
Yeah. And we, we have not spoken about it. So if anything, I think one of the things that, um, from what Laisha, Laisha has been saying is to make sure that we have family goals, yet we have our individual goals, but have family goals.
And I think that’s one of the things that will possibly help, um, with family. And as, um, silver was saying. Uh, it, it, this couple of financing isn’t easy at all and it isn’t it easy. You know, it is, you’re taking two different worlds to try to make it into one
and it’s a long, it’s the long game. Like, you know, that’s the other thing is the, when working with couples, when it comes to finances, it’s not that it’s just gonna change overnight.
You may have one really great conversation, and it doesn’t mean things are just gonna change overnight. It really is the long game, and it really is both of you continuously. Working at it continuously, like whatever that plan is, whatever those goals are. Um, and people set themselves up when it comes to your family goals is some people I encourage couples to go on like money dates.
Yeah. And
literally spec, literally just. Talk about money on that date, or I’ve had some couples where they will like rent out, um, like a hotel room or something. And the purpose of going to that is like we’re having a money meeting, uh, and we’re gonna just. Talk about money and, and our goals when it, when it comes to, to money.
I even had one couple where they were both kind of like at work and they created like a Zoom and they, they were like, I put it in my business calendar, so they made it happen. Um, but that is, it’s hard, but it, and it’s, it’s the long game. Like you have to be consistent. You have to continuously work on this.
Yeah. Um, and, and what I’ve seen happen, and actually I had someone on my podcast who talked about that he did not talk with his wife. He kind of like was doing his own thing. He was hiding it from her, protecting her, and, um, and so it caused stress. There were underweight divorce. Uh, because he was quote unquote protecting her.
So again, this is this, if, if we are a family, we have to think about how to talk about money. Uh, I remember with my ex, I was, I said, come, come, come. Let, let me show you. He’s like, oh, you’re so good at it, but let me show you because I, I want you to see what, what decisions I’m making. And I was impacting the family.
It’s not about me being good with the, with with it. It’s about you need to know, because if you don’t know, then that’s when you go pull money out of your account. When the light bill is due, you know?
Mm-hmm. Exactly. Exactly. So, and I, I mean, me and my husband, we’ve, we’ve been on this journey for a really long time, and every day, you know, not every day, but every week we are definitely like talking about it, figuring it out.
But we didn’t get this far without having that relationship with each other to understand money. ’cause we definitely hit some, some roadblocks along the way, uh, as a, as a couple Definitely had the arguments. Uh, there definitely hid, hid some money there. We’ve gone through all of that. Uh, but we’ve gone through that.
It made us stronger today and, and now it’s continuously working on it.
Yeah. Yeah. It’s a, it’s a long game, as you said, so is there anything that you are working on that we can support you with?
Um, right now I am not working on any particular, particular thing, but definitely come and support me by going to my, my website, freedom life therapy.com and connecting who connect with me.
Can I have other staff on that you’re able to connect with if for some reason. You are somebody that maybe you just wanna do like a quick snapshot overview and understand of where you stand when it comes to your money, your relationship with money. We do offer these one-time financial clarity sessions, which really deep dives into what’s going on with your money and tries to help set you up for at least the next month as to the goals and, and where you’re trying to, trying to get at.
Yeah. And I had a comment, uh, in the, in the chat that I, I would like to talk to, even though we’re wrapping up. Um, and Dr. Nija Turtle said I had the same with my wife. I had to put her in charge of the finances. Mm-hmm. And sometimes that’s what we have to do, right? Mm-hmm. The person who’s running away from the money, you do it for this month.
Yeah, if you need, if you have questions, I’m here, but I’m, you do it because I think then they get to see the big picture about the budget. They get to see The big picture is that I’m not trying to tell you what to spend on or, or why you shouldn’t spend, but when you see the big picture, you realize, ah.
If I spend, it’s gonna cause us to be late on our rent or it’s gonna cause us to, to be short on our mortgage or something like that. Because many times, because we are the handlers, we make it work. They never see the stress because we are gonna make it work. We’re gonna do what we need to because we are, that’s just how we we’re wired.
And so the ones who are not handling it, um, they’re thinking, oh, I can do this. You know, I don’t have a problem. I can do whatever. Because no matter what I do. It work or she makes it work. And that was my situation,
but that is so true. Um. Laia, it’s been a, an honor to have you on today’s show. Um, and again, for those who are listening, uh, to the replay, replay, thank you so much for those who are here. Thank you so much for your support. Uh, we are gonna have all of her contact information, her website, all of that information in the show notes, so you can contact her, connect with her, and if you know somebody.
Who needs the service. Um, be careful when you tell them though. Don’t say you need this.
Yeah.
Just say, you know, I found this lady who does a great job with couples and you know, if you ever think about doing something like that, uh, here’s her contact information. ’cause you know, when we tell people they need something, they’re gonna run the opposite way.
Yep. Or will.
Yeah. And Betty’s saying here. Um, uh, thank, um, Laia. Thank you. You. So again, thank you so much, uh, for being here today, your insights and on the emotional side of money and how our stories shape our financial behavior. We’re a powerful addition to this Women on the Move series, and to everyone watching or listening, if this conversation resonated with you in any way, please share it with someone who needs to hear it and be gentle when you share it.
Dr. Seb talks money. Our goal is to reach 1 million women over the next five years, and with your help, we can do that. We are wanting to help them build financial clarity, confidence, and a healthier relationship with money. And be sure to join us next Sunday at 6:00 PM Eastern Time. As the women on the Move series continues, my guess will be RJ Jackson, the courage giver.
And trust me, you do not want to miss that conversation. Thank you for being here, and until next time, please take care of yourself and your money.
