What does it actually look like to start your life over at 60 — after 32 years of marriage, after losing your identity as a wife, a first lady, and a woman who gave everything to everyone else? Tanya Washington did it, and she didn’t just survive — she rebuilt from the ground up.
In this episode, Tanya shares how she went from a 498 credit score to a 742, earned two associate degrees later in life, and rediscovered herself after decades of being defined by her roles. Her story is honest, practical, and deeply encouraging for any woman who has ever wondered if it’s too late to start again.
We cover the identity shift that hits hardest after a long marriage ends, how going back to school gave her a space to just be Tanya, the step-by-step credit journey that changed her financial life, the mindset shift that made rebuilding feel possible, and what she says to women who feel too exhausted or too far behind to even try.
If you’ve been waiting for permission to begin again — this is it.
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Join Dr. Sev’s Wealth Warriors Community for more financial discussions and insights (FREE to join): https://www.skool.com/wealth-warriors-community-1025/about
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The Dr. Sev Talks Money podcast’s mission is to empower women to approach money confidently, reframe their financial habits, and build a future where their money is a tool for opportunity and security.
Through Dr. Sev Talks Money YouTube channel and Podcast, I provide actionable advice and inspiration to help you achieve financial freedom. Join me for one-on-one coaching, group sessions, workshops, or speaking engagements as we journey to financial empowerment together. It’s never too late to begin again—let’s make it happen!
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Tanya’s bio and ways to connect:
Tanya “Winningatlife” Washington is a transformational voice for women over 60 who are rebuilding their lives after divorce, loss, and major life transitions. A mother of nine, she spent over three decades in marriage before facing the reality of starting over—emotionally, financially, and personally.
After her divorce, Tanya rebuilt her life from the ground up—raising her credit score from 498 to 742, returning to college to earn two associate degrees, and creating financial independence on her own terms. Through her content, coaching, and digital products, she now helps women 60+ reclaim their identity, rebuild confidence, and create a clear path forward without feeling overwhelmed.
Known for her calm, honest, and no-nonsense approach, Tanya teaches that it’s never too late to start again—and that rebuilding your life is not failure, it’s transformation.
Connect with Tanya: Instagram @IAmTanyaWinningAtLife | Facebook: Tanya Winning at Life
0:00 — What Does Starting Over at 60 Really Look Like?
2:00 — Why She Goes By “Tanya Winning at Life”
5:00 — 32 Years of Marriage, Then Starting From Scratch
10:00 — How Going Back to School Helped Her Find Herself Again
16:00 — From a 498 to a 742 Credit Score: The Real Journey
24:00 — Why Community Is the Secret Weapon Nobody Talks About
26:00 — The Mindset Shift That Made Rebuilding Feel Possible
33:00 — What to Do When You Feel Too Old and Too Exhausted to Rebuild
37:00 — What Tanya Is Working on Now and Where to Find Her
Transcript
What does it look like to start your life over at 60 after decades of marriage, after loss, after everything you knew changed? And what happens when a woman not only survives that, but comes back stronger, sharper, and more herself than ever before? Hey, hey, hey, Savvy Squad. Welcome to Dr. Sev Talks Money.
I’m your host, Dr. Sev, personal finance educator and coach who rebuilt my credit from the 500s to 850 and paid off 39,000 in debt after a late life divorce.
So trust me when I say today’s guest is speaking directly to my heart My guest is Tanya Washington, a transformational coach who helps women over 60 rebuild their lives after divorce and loss.
After starting over herself, raising her credit score from 498 to 742, and returning to college, she now empowers women to reclaim their confidence, identity, and financial independence. Tanya, welcome to the show. Well, you make me sound so good. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Sev. Yes.
Mm-hmm … yeah, when I saw you on, Skool in Arlan Hamilton’s, um, in, her, in the comments, I was like, “I gotta s- I gotta talk to her. I gotta get her to come on my podcast,” ’cause your story resonated so well with me, um, with my story, and with so many other women, and with the women who are mainly, the listeners of this podcast.
So I like to start off with an icebreaker, and I think this is a good one. Your last name is Washington, but you go by Tanya Winning at Life. Yes. Winning at life. I love that. Thank you. Thank you. Where did that come from and what does it mean to you?
Okay. Well, I’ll have to start with saying that it started with a conversation that I had with my then youngest daughter, who was 19 at the time, mind you. Mm-hmm. And when I initially divorced, you know how the lawyer asks you if you wanna go back to your maiden name or if you wanna keep the name you have.
And I said, “Well, I’ve been known as Tanya Washington, and my kids are Washington,” and I, for some odd reason, I remember a story where I thought my mom just gave us her maiden name without asking us. And so I d- I didn’t want my kids to go through the stigma of their mother having a different last name from them when it came, ’cause they were still in school.
Mm. But, um, but so I asked him if I could keep his last name. That’s what I asked. And I’ve been known by Washington longer than I had been known by my maiden name. Mm-hmm. So, but I had a conversation with my daughter
and so my daughter, this 19-year-old, asked me, she said, “Mom, what are you looking for in a man?” And I said, um, um, “I’m not really looking for no man, so I didn’t, I didn’t… I’m not really looking for one.” And then she says, and then she asked me, “Mom, what is it that you love about yourself?” And, you know, we t- we look at the superficial thing.
Oh, I like my smile, I like my eyes, I like my legs, you know, that type of thing. But I took the time to think about that question, and so I dug into it and I thought about the things, and I heard the Lord speak to me. He says, “You’re already, um, living your life without him.” Um, and I had… This was well into my separation at the time, not yet divorced, and so I had to come to grips with that.
And it was, “You’re already winning at life.” Yeah. So I adopted that for myself. I adopted actually my lifelong mantra of, one, love yourself, live your life, expect better. Okay. But that’s derived from that conversation that I had with my then 19-year-old daughter. She’s 29, so that was 10 years ago.
She’s 29 years old right now. Yeah. That’s where Tanya Winning At Life came from, because even though I was going through one of the worst periods in my life, one of the worst, I was still winning. Yeah. Yeah. And I’m sure it’s a reminder to you every time you see it- Yes … that I’m not stuck in this place.
Right. I’m moving forward, I’m winning. Yes. And even if there are obstacles, I’m still winning at life. Absolutely. Yeah. Regardless of what, what’s going on, just like when someone asks me, “How are you doing?” And I say, “I’m blessed.” Whether you know God or know Jesus or whoever you serve, I’m blessed because you don’t wanna, you don’t wanna hear my knees hurt, my, my toe hurt.
You… But regardless of what I’m experiencing in life, I’m blessed. So that’s, that’s a universal cover statement. Right. It’s not super religious. Yeah. So you spent, more than 30 years married, and then here comes the divorce. What was the hardest part of starting over emotionally and financially? It was, and I can put it into words now, ’cause we c- I could say generically, “Oh, my role changed in life.”
Mm-hmm. But what I say now is, “I no longer have a family, I just have a bunch of kids.” Because my life, my life truly changed. And again, with that, just with that revelation of, you know, recognizing that I’m winning because I had to see where I truly am blessed now, irrespect of, you know, him not being in my life.
And I have this, plus ’cause I have nine children, so it’s like I wasn’t intending on raising them by myself. But then again, I said my youngest was 19, so the predominantly were grown even though they were still around me. Um, it was accepting that I was no longer a wife. And I took my vows seriously, like I meant, if I didn’t mean till death do you part I, I wouldn’t have said, “I do,” on the altar.
Yeah. And I meant that. I took that to heart. And now I’m no longer his wife, and I didn’t share this with you earlier, but I was also married to my pastor. So I’m no longer the pastor’s wife. So I don’t- Yeah … even when I walk into now a visiting church, I don’t know, should I, should they escort me to the front seat or should I sit in the back?
So I didn’t know what my role was anymore, um, as being, this, newly divorced or even separated, newly divorced woman. And that was somewhat overwhelming, um, in regards to that, not being able to identify that. So I basically stopped going to church. I said, “I don’t go to church.” I mean, because I know church is inside me.
But, that was the main thing, and then realizing, um, how it impacted my children. I figured they’re grown now, you know? It shouldn’t affect them adversely. Mm-hmm. But even at that stage, they… Like, my youngest daughter came back and told me, she said, it… She felt… You know how they say that when they’re younger, they feel like it’s their fault?
And she made a statement to me, and I was, like, surprised. I’m like, “What? At this age? Not at this age.” We’re, we pr- basically raised them, but we went through some things through that three year, ’cause I was, we were separated the final three years before we divorced after 32 years of marriage.
Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine, because there was an identity shift. Because after all those years, you’re the pastor’s wife. You are the mom. You are, you know, that, of course, stayed static. Um, you are the wife for, for a long time. That’s all the things that you were doing were tied to those titles.
Absolutely. And then now you are, floundering “Who am I now?” Now you have to do that internal work- Yes … to find out who you are without all those other titles. Yes, ma’am. And, for a woman who’s listening right now, I would suggest that you do that work right now. If you are married, no matter how long you, you’re married, know you, who you are outside of the roles that you play in life, because if you were, God forbid, ever to go through a divorce or go through something catastrophic, you lose your spouse, then you, you’re gonna go through a period of floundering, trying to discover, “Who am I without being attached to this person?
Who am I without being attached to those roles?” So, um, I would strongly suggest that you really think about who you can be or who you are outside of your roles attached to someone else or some other entities. I totally agree, because you will also, with your kids being grown and gone, now have a space where you’ll have a freedom that you didn’t realize, where you’re no longer needed And you, and it’s like, “Wait a minute.
You don’t need me? Well, who does?” Yeah. And now he’s gone. Well, You need you. Yes. This is what you have, you need you. Yeah. Yeah. And that’s a different, that’s a whole different area of, acceptance for us that have been the one needed and, always giving and not, never re- not receiving or being reciprocated.
That’s just a different, a feeling. And as a pastor’s wife, I know that not only do you have your kids pulling on you, but you have the congregants pulling on you. And so it was all of those other things. So I just, I can just imagine how it was balancing… It, it’s really like a death. So you have to go through grieving before you can heal.
Yes. Absolutely. You have to go through that healing process. So here you are, a mother of nine. How did you balance caring for- everyone else while also discovering yourself. Well, the main thing that allowed me to arrive at that was returning back to school.
I always loved school, always encouraged my children while going to school. It was like, As are awesome, Bs are bad, Cs are, you know? It was like, I had this m- they knew how I, I felt strongly about education and to the point where even when… ‘Cause my kids were so mannered, uh, I remember my son, my oldest son was in the second grade, and he came home with a second grade, he couldn’t really read.
I’m like, “Wait a minute. You will not be a Black man in America and you don’t know reading, writing, and arithmetic.” Okay. You know? So I sat down and taught him how to read, on maternity leave with number, five. Yeah. But yes. So that really helped me because then I was placed in an arena where people accepted me for who I was.
Yeah. They didn’t see me as First Lady. They didn’t see me as, Sister Washington, Mrs. Washington. They saw me as Tanya. Yeah. Yeah. Just Tanya. And when, because I excelled in school, I always did, it was, like, that’s one thing you couldn’t take from me. You can take anything, you can feel however you want to, call me this or that, but that A that I I earned, and you could not take that away from me.
So you go into an arena where people are, actually acknowledging that and celebrating you for that. Yeah. I mean, I didn’t get the big head, but it really boosted my confidence. Yeah. It helped boost my confidence. And so that’s why I highly recommend it that you do go to school or find some- something that you love, and I also found that I still love coding.
Find something you love because that’s, you’re gonna be around, like say, they like to say like-minded people. That means something. When you’re around like-minded people and they’re celebrating you for those experiences or leastwise you’re around someone that’s, can understand the conversation that you’re having- Yes, yes
about that particular hobby or that particular… You know, ’cause there’s only, like I, I can read a book on the outside and when it came to even my ex, if it wasn’t scripture, he wasn’t listening. Yeah. Not a well-rounded individual. So, so as we’re talking about college, let’s talk about that, ’cause you went back to school later in life and you earned two associate’s degrees.
Yes. Uh, what gave you the courage to do that? I mean, you mentioned that you love education, but why go back to school? ‘Cause there are other things that you could have done. Because as a first lady, I know you are multi-talented. I know that. Thank you. Thank you. So, yeah. So what gave you the courage to say, ” I’m going back to school and this is what I want to do”?
All right. Multiple times, and I mean multiple times, even while giving birth to these nine children, I had attempted to go back to school. I attended LA Trade Tech when we were in Los Angeles. I attended CSN when we were in Nevada. And I just kept pushing back the date when I would get my degree, or the year I would get my degree.
“Oh, I’ll get it when I’m 30. Oh, I’ll get it when I’m 40. Oh, I’ll get it when I’m 50.” I kept pushing the date, back. So, and at the time, I, um, was working as well, so I Was doing graphic design for the church. Not just my church, but I also worked for the jurisdiction, for the bishop.
In the bishop’s office. So I was doing graphic design, and I went back to school to legitimize my graphic design business- so that the saints would pay me. Yes. Legit, legit money. And I found out, I found out that I still love coding, ’cause I had taken computer programming all the way in, back in high school, ’cause I had every math you could have, including computer programming.
That’s just the type of school that I went to in Iowa. And so therefore, that’s why I got my first degree in computer programming And then for some odd reason or other, I don’t know how the Constitution changed from Nevada to California, but they said I needed to redo my political science, the 101, like poli sci 101.
I’m like, “Okay.” I didn’t mind doing it, so I went, went back to the class because I was already, I was voted in as the student trustee at the college. I was the s- s- spirit girl, which I always am. So I had joined, um, ASB and I actually ran for president, but instead obtained the, uh, position as the student trustee.
So I would go to the board meetings. And so therefore, I developed a love that I didn’t know for politics, and I felt like I couldn’t run for office and I didn’t feel like I had the words for, to even have a discussion about politics. So if I was gonna go and be on the Anaheim City Council, I needed to, up my education.
Yeah. Mm. So I went back and I got, because of all the credits I had in, I went to and took the, degree to transfer for political science, and I had gotten actually accepted at Cal State Fullerton for political science degree. We’re gonna be back with Tanya- . And I hope this is encouraging whoever is listening right now.
And it’s never too late to start. Never too late. Hey, friends. Quick pause. If you’re enjoying today’s episode, the best way to support the show is to share it and leave a rating on your favorite podcast platform. And you know it, five is our favorite number. And if you’re watching on YouTube, don’t forget to like, subscribe and share.
Thank you. So let’s talk about your credit journey. You went from a 498 credit score to a 742. Your, journey sounds so similar to mine. ‘Cause I walked away from my house and my credit dropped, but that’s another story. So take us inside that process. What were the first things you actually did, and how long did it take for that process from you going from a 498 to a 742?
Okay. I wanna begin by saying that I had no credit in my 20s, no credit in my 30s, no credit in my 40s, no credit in my 50s, because back when we were in our 20s, not understanding credit. Because we were young and we, but we had a family, it’s like credit… And my, my ex was in the military, so they trusted him with credit.
Little did I know, it’s that, and I’ll say I know, that he didn’t understand the concept of when you borrow people’s money, you got to pay them back, and he would not like to pay them back. So that’s just my truth. No bashing, it’s my truth. Yes. It’s very common.
It’s very common that a lot of people don’t understand credit, that when they get that money, it’s not theirs permanently. They have to pay it back. Exactly. Well, you can’t use the card and not pay it back. He was like, “They gonna take all my money.” I’m like, “No, they’re, you’re paying them back the money that they let you use.”
Well, that’s a whole another story and a different topic. So, but what I now on my own, I, wanna say this. While I went back to school, I, because again, I wasn’t, moving with him, I, didn’t have a job. I basically lived off of financial aid and scholarships when, and I still had at the time, even though they were adult, like five of my kids still living with me, but I felt I was responsible for my youngest, who was still in high school.
And so after scholarships and financial aid ran out, I had to get a job. So I went and got a part-time job, um, working security actually. And then because of the reputation that I built at my college, I end up securing, a student job there. While being a part of that, being a part now of this, being hired within the school community, that gave me access to the school credit union Okay, so I was able to join the credit union.
And then therefore, I mean, I think just the name alone kind of makes you go into that arena, “Okay, well let me check out my credit.” So again, then on my journey as far, okay, I had to secure a vehicle. I, um, when my 1995 Ford Taurus broke down, And I had had a relationship with Enterprise Rent-A-Car.
I went and bought a car at Enterprise Rent-A-Car. Shocked by the fact that I got a excellent, as far as I was concerned, um, interest rate. Still shocked. Best car ex- buying experience I’ve ever experienced. I will go hands down tell them that. But once I got into the vehicle, even though it was like at 10% interest, I learned about refinancing.
And so I went to my credit union and I got it refinanced all the way down to like 3.7, and then it was during that COVID era, even went down to like 2.4. And for me, I didn’t know about the snowball method at the time, but I said in order for me to, my gaining understanding of credit, for me to build that up, I need to pay off what was most important to me.
So again, I go from financial aid scholarship to a part-time job, to then that part-time job turning into a full-time job. Now me making money to where I can actually put some money aside, so that’s, develops savings. Me now understanding finances and all, and so therefore I took and I ended up with then now two jobs, ’cause that’s what we do.
You do what you need to do to survive with kids, you know? One job paying the bills. I took the whole amount of that other check, and first off I started paying off my car. This was twofold. That’s to go from paying full coverage insurance to paying liability, which was less. And put it, like I said, and because I now established a relationship with the credit union, then you get these offers when you’re in college regardless, right? Oh, yeah. They start throwing credit cards at you. It doesn’t stop because you’re 50, in your 50s or 60s. They do the same thing because you’re, you know, a freshman in college, okay? They’re doing the same thing. But I understood that if I use your money, I got to pay you back.
And I also understood that I’m not gonna use your money if I can’t pay you back. And as I learned about credit, how it works, okay, I’m not trying to go and I did not wanna carry a balance. I only used it to build it up and then would pay it, you know, before the, the due date.
So that’s what I had to do. And I, like I said, I started with rather than just the smallest bill I had, I thought what was most important to me that I needed to have paid off. And that’s the way I started governing myself as far as how I spent money, because then I not only, as along with my son, I have to include my oldest son who has a degree in business.
I call him my financial coach as well, one of my financial coaches. So he was guiding me as well as to understanding credit, and I even invested in his business to work to build up my credit. And he was, as he was giving me information, ’cause, our kids are smarter than us. Um, some of them. I’m not saying all of them, but sometimes our kids are smarter than us.
We didn’t send them off to college for them to not gain an education that can also benefit us, and not just us telling them what to do. They can share that information. That’s what he was doing. And he was someone I trusted, and, had a proven record, and he actually became a financial coach.
And, he still is. I can’t even say ’cause I’m, I’m working for him right now. But anyway, he’s a financial coach. And, with his guidance and us, sharing that responsibility, we were able to build my credit up, um, to where I not only got, My credit score was, um, boosted. I also, was able to secure a $10,000 loan from my credit union.
I was able to secure a $15,000 credit card from my credit union. My son, because he’s former military as well, signed up for, um, Navy Federal Credit Union and was able to secure a $25,000 credit card from them. So I was basically building up the capital to do whatever type of business that I wanted to. Not saying that it worked out as well, but it worked out along the way.
But that’s how I was able to build, to go from a 490… And I paid attention. I checked it daily. It doesn’t matter whether you used, Credit Karma or do, go through the actual credit bureaus. I watched what I needed to watch my credit score build up. And then when my actual, my oldest daughter’s student loan fell off, it actually went up to, like, 798.
But, it takes time. It’s not an overnight process. I was able to get there sooner because, like I said, I had the second job where I could live off one and then pay off my bills and my debts with the other. That’s what helped me to go from a 498 to 742.
When I think of the timeframe I hadn’t, I should have probably calculated it, but No, that’s okay. Not a problem. It’s just, to encourage someone- Yes … to let them know that even if it took five years- Right … or 10 years, it is possible. Um- Absolutely … you know, so, was just more like a marker for somebody who’s listening.
Yes, ma’am. So your experience brought you through all the things that now allow you to understand your money and how- Yes … you relate to money, and all the different factors that impact your money. So you learned about savings, you learned about credit- Yes … you learned about credit cards, you learned about all those things through that journey.
And so for somebody who’s listening right now, I want you to understand that you don’t have to go through the divorce like Tanya and I, but you can take from this, like, okay, what are some things that I need to learn about money- Yes … now that I don’t know, that I can go find out? Because a lot of banks and credit unions have free resources- Right
where you can learn about money, you can learn about credit, you can learn about all those things. You can also go listen to my YouTube. There you have it. To my YouTube and to my podcast, and you can learn about credit, and you can learn about all those things. So for someone who’s listening to us right now, the resources are there.
Yes. And if you want some special, want somebody to sit with you, you can always go join my community- Yes … Wealth Warriors community on- Yes … Skool. But anyway. I totally agree, because I did it, like I said, not knowing and figuring it out along the way. But when you, like I, I mentioned earlier, someone like-minded and someone that’s willing to assist you, and it just, to know that you’re not the only one- Yes
that’s gone through this is, is such a blessing, and we should take advantage of that. And they absolutely should take advantage of your services, however it comes. And like I said, and some- and someone that’s gonna guide you. And one of the things I can say that I remember watching someone on, um, TikTok it was, and she said, “So you learn how to do it yourself so that if it happens again, you’ll know how to do it.”
You know, ’cause it, it sometimes your investments don’t pan out. Um, sometimes you think this is gonna be the one, and it, it falters. So if you, and then that’s also encouraging to the point where, again, you don’t succumb to the overwhelm, you don’t succumb to the grief.
You, you realize, “Hey, if I did it once, I can do it again.” Yeah. And it, you said a key point is to let people know they’re not alone. Because unfortunately- The, suicide rate for people who are feeling overwhelmed, with their finances is creeping up. Yes. Because people feel a sense of hopelessness- Right
a sense of helplessness about their finances, and they’re thinking the way to come out of this is death. And so I want people to know you’re not alone. No matter what it is you’re going through- Exactly … there’s someone else who’s experiencing it, and that’s one of the reasons why I do these kinds of shows.
That’s one of the reasons why I have my free community on Skool, because I want people to get hope. I want them to know that where you feel right now, it may be very hard, and I’m not discounting that it’s hard. Right. It’s hard emotionally, it’s hard financially. Absolutely. It’s hard in so many ways, and you may feel isolated, but join a community.
It doesn’t have to be mine. Join a community so that you feel you’re surrounded with people- Yes … who are going through the same stages, who can reach back, and then you can reach back to others who may be where you were, and you can- Yes … encourage them, and you can give them tips to bring- Yes … them forward because we’re all here to help each other.
Don’t think that you don’t have anything to give. You do, because your- Yes … experience can enrich someone else’s life. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. So let’s talk a little bit about mindset, because I find that mindset is one of the biggest drivers for a lot of change.
Because a lot of people who are in your situation or similar situation to you, they’re probably still wallowing. They’re bitter, they’re angry, and so they haven’t done anything to recover because of that bitterness, because of the anger, and I’m not discounting that. It’s okay. It, uh, it’s okay to feel angry.
But it’s not okay to dwell there. Right. And so there had to be a mindset shift for you. So what was one mindset shift that changed the most for you during this process? The, thing that made rebuilding actually feel possible. Take us into where you were mentally as you went through your process.
Okay. I, ran across a quote on Facebook, and it said, “I didn’t realize how much of a fog I was in until I came out.” And it just so re- I got chills just re- saying it out loud again. And one of the first things that I like to say to women that are… is, it’s not your fault. Yeah. It’s really not your fault.
And not to sound like a cliche, but you really are enough. And now, like I stated earlier, who needs you is you. Yeah. You need you. And like she said, it’s okay to feel every stage of grief because that’s what you’re going… It’s a grieving process. Right. Because the part where it says, “Till death do us part,” when it’s, when you initially gave those vows, now it’s, this is the death of your marriage.
Not the death of you- but it’s the death of your marriage, and you have to accept every stage of grief that you go through. And I promise you, you’re gonna feel every stage of grief- Yes. Yes, you will … that you go through. I mean, it’s, it, because it’s, like you said, you’re no longer a single family unit.
You are no longer a wife. You are no longer his supporter. You are no longer his boo, you go through- all of these emotions, and it’s okay to cry. Yeah. I even went through feeling like, did I make a mistake? Uh, was there something else I could do, to make him choose me or make him want me?
No, it’s n- it’s not your fault. It’s a decision that he made. Yeah. And now you need to make a decision for you, because you’re more than his wife. And one of my, actual offers is, um, being able to say no without guilt.
Because we’re so used to saying yes, and we’re so used to giving and, we’re so used to not getting it reciprocated. And well, you can now turn that to you and find that person who’s… She never left. She, she’s still there, and you just need to locate her. And I just made a comment that in my reaching out and exploring and researching and learning and rebuilding, I’m finding that woman that I was supposed to be when my life was stopped with that first child, when my life was altered with that second child, my…
When my life was altered when I said I do. In all these years, now I’m looking back at that 17-year-old girl, and now I’m able to become the woman I was supposed to be, or I’m becoming the woman that I am from that. But now I have all this life experience- to guide me and to teach me that I’ve learned, not even teach, but that, that I’ve learned, that I can now utilize and say, “Okay, from this point, okay, now I have a path to go into.
I’m not aimlessly walking through life becoming this woman I was supposed to be if certain things hadn’t happened in my life.” And I’m not gonna go with it- ’cause I could say, “Oh, if it’s meant to be, it didn’t… It’s okay.” N-no. It’s you finding you at whatever stage you really were lost.
Or taken away with the life’s path. But she’s still there. And like I said, it’s never too late to start. It’s never too late to pick up where that left and go and be who you were always meant to be. Your dreams are still there. Yep. Your ideals are still there. I mean, every day something else popping up.
You still might find a hobby that you loved, you know, that you thought was gone. I’m still going skydiving. I just got to lose some more weight- … ’cause I don’t wanna pay the extra fee. Okay? Love that. I love that because, whoever we are create- we were created to become, is still there.
Yes. And as women, many times we layer that under responsibilities, we layer that under taking care of other people, but it’s still there. Yes. And when we get to a place when the fog lifts and we get to realize, “Hey, I never experienced me. I’m experiencing everybody else.” Mm-hmm. “And I’m making everybody else life okay, but I never made myself okay.”
And it’s not selfish to center yourself. That part. Because on the airplane they say- Put your own mask first. Yes. And then after you do that, then you secure others. Right. And a lot of times as women, especially when we’re in relationships, when we’re in marriages, we tend to put everybody else’s mask on, and then we realize, we get to the point where we’re so broken down- Yes
that we can’t, we don’t have a place to put our mask on. We don’t have the strength- I agree … to put our mask on. Mm-hmm. So when we, when the fog again is lifted and we realize that i’m seeing myself clearly, not the situation around me, ’cause it is what it is. You’re right. I’m seeing myself clearly.
Yes. I’m not starting from scratch. No. I’m starting from experience. That part. That part right there. And ex- yeah. And, and that experience is my stepping stone into- Yes … my next level. Yes. So for somebody who’s listening to us, I want you to hear that. Your experiences are not in vain. Even if you went through 20 years of marriage- Yes
30 years of marriage, 30 years at that job, ’cause it’s, it’s the same process. You’re grieving- Right … after 30 years at that job. Right. 30 years in that marriage, you’re still grieving, and you have to go through the grieving process. But then when you’re looking at yourself now, you realize all of that made me who I am.
Yes. And I’m gonna use that to grow myself into my next level. Absolutely. So I hope that encourages someone. Absolutely. So w- we, we’ve said a lot. Yes, ma’am. For somebody right now who feels she’s too old, too far behind, too exhausted to rebuild, and I understand that, you, can feel too exhausted to rebuild.
What can you say to that person based on what you’ve lived through? Yes, you’re exhausted, but here are some things that you may wanna think about why you may wanna push through and rebuild your life. Yes. The first thing I would say after even, let’s say I’ve had an intense conversation, or let’s say when I worked, um, in debt settlement, and we make all the arrangements to get that set up and you’re, you got it, set up to where, okay, I got this taken care of.
I got this situated. You wanna know what I say to them before I get off the phone? Breathe Mm. Yes Breathe. You can now breathe Yes You can now breathe in love for yourself. You can now breathe in fresh air for, to, to… I remember one night, it was 1:00 in the morning, and I realized that I have a vehicle and I don’t have to answer to anyone else, and I can literally take myself wherever I wanna go at 1:00 in the morning.
I, I didn’t have that before. So now you can live your life. And like you stated earlier, it’s not being selfish. It’s now you can do the things that you love for you, and then watch those around you actually enjoy you You may be… Like, you may not feel it right now, but we need you to hear it right now.
Because hear- what faith come by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. If you hear it, keep listening to that And not, and like I say, you’re going through your situation and you feeling exactly how you feel, and you- it’s all right to feel the way you feel. You’re not crazy. Yeah. Okay? You really are feeling that.
And I can say, um, Jill Scott and Jazmine Sullivan and Kendrick Lamar got me through my separation. And the one song I played every day, listened to every day, was You Are a Masterpiece by Jazmine Sullivan. Mm, yes. Yes. And just know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that is so. I, I’m about to preach.
Let me stop. Yeah, I wanna add to that. Give yourself grace. Yes. Give yourself grace. We tend to take information that we know now and judge our past, but we didn’t know what we didn’t know. Didn’t know what you didn’t know. And so now that you know it, yes, use that to build forward.
Yes. And, and there is no timetable on grief. No. A lot of people will say, you know, “Hey, get over it.” You experience grief how you experience it.
And, as Tanya said, she was on the phone with somebody with debt repayment, and once she was done with helping them, she told them to breathe.
That’s why I’m very big on community, because you’re able to now see other people’s experiences, and you’re able to see yourself in other- Yes … people’s experiences.
Yes. And once we’ve learned something, it’s not for us to hoard. Our experiences are to help other people. And so we’re sharing through these podcast episodes that there is life after divorce. Yes. There is life after losing your job. Absolutely. And that is what these kinds of episodes are about, for you to be encouraged and for you to know to give yourself grace.
So Tanya, what are you working on right now and where can people find and connect with you? I am actually delving into learning about AI. I wanna do a series, Fear Not AI, because, like when the computer systems came out, everyone’s like, “Oh, no.”
Like my daddy still have a flip phone. He just turned 90 years old, he still got his flip phone. I said, “Don’t you dare buy a new phone.” But we have a fear of the unknown, and I’ve been… i’m taking every free course that I can get a hold to Yep … to learn about it. But again, because we’re not too old to start over, we’re not too old to learn something new.
Um, and one of the things I wanted to mention too be- before I let you go is you would think how embarrassing to tell someone you had a credit score of 498. Well, I’m not the only one. Yeah. And if you don’t, if I don’t tell you, you don’t know that it can be done. You know? So it’s not embarrassing.
It’s me sharing my life experiences with you so that you know that you can overcome. So, um, you can wanna find me on IG and anywhere, it pretty much says I, I Am Tanya Winning at Life or Tanya Winning at Life. More than likely you’ll see this face. Yeah. Yeah. So, as Tanya said, you can find her on IG at I Am Tanya Winning at Life.
You’ll see it on the screen, and it will be in the show notes. And then on Facebook and other places- Yes … she’s Tanya Winning at Life. So, go follow her, be inspired by her, and the things that she’s doing. And you mentioned shame, Tanya. Yes. Shame hides solutions. When we are ashamed, we don’t speak up, and so we don’t get the solutions that we need for- Absolutely
the things that we’re dealing with. Tanya’s information will be in the show notes. My information will be in the show notes. Connect with us. Yes. Because we’ve been where you are, and we’re still on our journey. Absolutely. Yes, ma’am. And thank you, Dr. Sev, for inviting me. I appreciate you so much. Um, and I appreciate meeting you on Arlan’s website. And I kept saying I, when you first asked me, I was like, “I don’t know.” I said, “No, Tanya, you gotta stop passing these opportunities.”
This person that said it said, “You gotta grab the opportunity while she got long hair, ’cause when she bald-headed, you won’t.” I think I like
that one. I know. And I feel so bad ’cause my ex said it. But anyway, it don’t matter. The Lord use whomsoever he will. But- Yes. Yes. He used a donkey, that part. Tanya, thank you for sharing your truth with the Savvy Squad. And friends- Love it … Tanya’s story is proof that your credit score is not your character.
No. And a divorce is not the end of your story. Amen. Amen. So if you’ve been, uh, holding off on your fresh start because you think the window has closed, I hope today blew that wide open. Yes, Lord. So until next time, take care of yourself- Absolutely … and your money. Amen.
