This may not sound like a typical money conversation, but money affects everything, including who we choose, what we tolerate, and how we heal.
Many women struggle with repeating unhealthy relationship patterns without fully understanding why. In this episode, relationship expert Chaya Garcia explains how emotional stability, financial responsibility, sobriety, and forgiveness influence healthy love and long-term success.
If you have experienced narcissism, addiction dynamics, codependency, or unresolved hurt, whether directly or indirectly, this conversation will resonate.
Chaya Garcia, is a licensed social worker, entrepreneur, and relationship expert who helps people understand love from the inside out. Chaya’s work centers on self-responsibility, healing the inner child, recognizing healthy and unhealthy dynamics early, and building relationships that are emotionally safe and sustainable.
Contact her at http://www.connectwithchaya.com
****************************************************
Join Dr. Sev’s free community for women here: https://www.skool.com/wealth-warriors-community-1025/about?ref=98f6434472254253b84ed49d2cce7860
The Dr. Sev Talks Money podcast’s mission is to empower women to approach money confidently, reframe their financial habits, and build a future where their money is a tool for opportunity and security.
Through Dr. Sev Talks Money YouTube channel and Podcast, I provide actionable advice and inspiration to help you achieve financial freedom. Join me for one-on-one coaching, group sessions, workshops, or speaking engagements as we journey to financial empowerment together. It’s never too late to begin again—let’s make it happen!
Here is one way you can support the Dr. Sev Talks Money podcast and YouTube channel:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/DrSevTalksMoney
My website: http://www.sevtalksmoney.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/DrSeverineBryan–SevTalksMoney
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/severinebryan/
February is often framed as a month of love, but love isn’t just about romance or grand gestures. Today’s conversation looks at love from a deeper angle, our relationships, our inner work, and the role forgiveness plays not only in healthy partnerships, but in sustainable success in life and business. My guest today is Chaya Garcia, a licensed social worker, entrepreneur, and a relationship expert who helps people understand love through self responsibility, healing, and emotional awareness. Her work focuses on recognizing healthy and unhealthy dynamics, early building secure relationships, and creating foundations that support growth in love, leadership, and life. Chaya.
Welcome to the Dr. Sev Talks Money podcast.
Thank you so much for having me here.
It’s such a pleasure.
Yeah. I’m excited to have you and to dive into this topic ’cause I don’t think we’ve discussed that on the podcast before.
Yeah.
So I like to start off with an ice breaker, which kind of lightens the atmosphere before we get into the heavy stuff.
What’s one money decision you made in your twenties or thirties that makes you either laugh or cringe now?
I kept like all of my savings in my backpack, so I had like thousands of thousands of dollars in cash just in like a pocket of my backpack. And I carried it around everywhere.
And I left it everywhere. And it’s definitely a different head space.
Wow. Yeah. And, what do you think about now, that you could have done differently and why?
I think that, you know. Probably valuing in the sense of putting it in a bank and seeing it grow or learning about investments.
I think when you’re young, you’re not really given any money, education and neither when you’re old, unless you become an entrepreneur. But now that I’m an entrepreneur and I have some money education, I think I would’ve invested it in stocks or something of that diversification so it could grow instead of just keeping it safe.
Yeah,
Well, things we do in our twenties and thirties, but you know what, I think those lessons are valuable, for us to serve as our foundation of what not to do, or even to help our clients understand that even when they do things and they look back and they may have some kind of regret. The better thing is what did I learn and how can I improve on that?
It’s not so much the mistake or the thing we did that we wish we hadn’t done, but what did I learn and how can I improve on that?
Yeah, exactly. Totally.
So introduce yourself to listeners who may not know about you. Tell us about your work and what’s the core problem that you’re most passionate about solving for clients.
Thank you. So I’m a relationship expert. I help wealthy single women who have dealt with narcissism or addiction or abuse, basically learned how to come home to themselves. And learn how to love up on themselves and not repeat patterns of relationships by accident. Because if we don’t learn how to love ourselves and if we don’t learn how to see our patterns and recognize them when they show up again, we will repeat them.
So that’s what I do. I help women attract their highest potential of love. Yeah.
Thank you for introducing yourself to us and um, telling us the work that you do. So let’s get right into the meat of the podcast. Is there really one right partner and why is finding the right person often the wrong starting point?
Well, that’s a great question and they’re two totally different questions. The first one is, do we really have truly one right partner? And in my opinion, the answer is yes, but it also depends on where we are at in our life. So there’s a potential for our. Highest level of a soulmate, but that means we have to become our highest expression of our soul.
And so if we’re in a low state of mind, in a low state of enlightenment, we will attract a different level of a soulmate. And so the truth is we have one best partner. We have one best soulmate. We have lots of options underneath that. And the type of life that you will have in regards to joy, pleasure, or the opposite.
Pain and challenges are very much directly correlated and connected with how much you’ve grown. Enlightened yourself, love yourself. Have enough faith to walk away from things that are not right. Um, and then in regards to the second question that you asked,
You really wanna use language that. Helps you attract the right person. So for women, if we become masculine and we say, oh, I just need to find him. I just need to find him. I just need to find love. It already is basically giving yourself a state of lack.
Like you don’t have enough, like you need someone or something to make you lovable or better. And the truth of the matter is, we don’t need as women to find love. We need to be love and attract. Love into our lives, which means we’re not seeking it out. We’re not aggressive. We’re not trying to pursue or convince or earn love.
We genuinely believe that we are lovable and deserving of only good, and we increase our joy in our light in our lives. Which vastly shifts, who is attracted to us and who we will attract into our life.
Yeah. I co-sign that approach. Yes. Yeah. It’s the attraction. It’s not just us seeking that perfect partner, but loving ourselves and, and knowing who we are.
We’ll attract the people that value that.
Exactly.
Yeah. So let’s talk about when dating for marriage, especially for something sustainable. What are some things that people should be looking for?
Um, you really wanna look for three main things. One is stability. So emotional stability is one of the best things to look for.
Do they go through highs and lows? Um, emotionally in your beginning part of the relationship, um, if he doesn’t pursue you and you need to pursue him or ask him what’s going on or when he wants to meet up, or is it okay if you go out on a second or third date, like that’s already showing that there’s highs and lows?
In his emotional stability that he’s not, stable and, and giving you enough security. So one is emotional stability. The other one you really wanna do is, financial stability. A man who doesn’t know how to hold onto money or make money or have a stable job or a stable way of contributing to society is actually an indication of his mental health.
And that is something you really wanna give a lot of honor to. Another thing is, you don’t want a, you know, a third kid or a first kid and start paying for him. You really want someone who is inspiring to you in uplifting. So also financial stability and then. Sobriety. Sobriety is really, really huge.
So a lot of people don’t take this for as much import as it truly is. A lot of people allow, um, alcoholism, porn addiction, smoking pot, all these things that are pretty common in American society as acceptable. But the truth of the matter is it destroys relationships. Uh, with the self, it destroys relationships with God and it destroys relationships between people because if you constantly need to monitor your emotions or manage your emotions through escaping reality or using something else to get you high, and then go to low, and then get high and get low, low to the again, then essentially you’re in a traumatic cycle.
Um, and if you are then in a relationship with someone with a traumatic cycle, you become engaged in that trauma cycle as well.
Yeah, so many people can relate to, to what you just shared. Um, because not only are you having to monitor your emotions toward them, then you have to maybe hide your finances, especially for that third one, right, where they are dependent on something outside of themselves to, to cope with life. So now you may have to hide your money, uh, because they may take it right and spend it, uh, irresponsibly. Which leads me to my question on codependency. How does modern codependency look and how does it show up?
Yeah, so modern codependency shows up with women saying, I am independent, and then they’re so independent with their work, with their job, with their career. That they don’t realize that in a romantic relationship, all the dynamics shift.
So a lot of times women who are very successful in business or in their degrees or in their careers, they don’t know how to feel safe and vulnerable if they’re not doing an achieving because so much of their identity has been wrapped up in. Thinking that they’re lovable if they look good or if they do good.
And when you don’t know that you’re lovable. If, let’s say you are gaining weight, let’s say you gain 20 pounds, like you’re not less lovable. Just because you’ve gained 20 pounds or if you don’t do something, or if you didn’t finish the degree or if you don’t finish the book.
And so codependency a lot right now is women allowing men to become women. So the women become the men. They are the ones who are pursuing the men, paying for them, trying to make the relationship work, trying to have these important conversations around stability and commitment. And the men are being the women.
They’re like leaning back. They’re not really. Taking leadership, they’re not taking, um, healthy masculine pursuit. Um, the women are sleeping with the men and then wondering why the relationship doesn’t have the depth that they crave. So I would say modern day codependency is just women not knowing their worth and turning into their masculine and allowing the men to be in their feminine.
Yeah. I’ve seen those scenarios play out and, and let’s talk to the woman right now who is listening and she’s saying, what? There’s nothing wrong with that. And we’re not here to chastise anyone or to tell you how to live your life. Chaya as the expert is talking about what.
She’s, observed and the fallout of what she’s observed. So let’s talk to that woman right now who’s in that place, and she’s saying, well, I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Listen, you have to know what type of life you want. You need to design it. You can’t just say, oh, life is just gonna happen and I’m gonna find the right guy, and it’s all gonna be great. You need to design. What kind of life you want and, and especially in relationships. So a big way that you design what life you want is by looking at what has not worked.
Warren Buffet, who’s one of the richest people in the world, didn’t become rich by looking at how to become rich. He looked at how did so many people become rich and then lose all their money? Over 90% of businesses over 10 years no longer exist. So he didn’t look at how to make money. He said, well, how do all these people making money and then losing it?
And that’s how he was able to generate and hold on to wealth. And so that’s what I’ve been able to do for the past 20 years with relationships. Most relationships, if you get married or you meet, you’re like, oh my God, this. My person, I love them so much. They’re amazing. I’ve never met anyone like this. We have such a deep connection.
His mom’s name was Joanne Smith and my grandma’s name was Joanne Smith and his daughter was this my, like everyone, they find the same synchronicities and overlaps, but the truth of the matter is the majority of the relationships. Implode. They know they don’t last over time. Most people, regardless of love are, and, and they get married, are no longer married, and there’s also a lot of abuse.
It’s not like they’re just not married. There’s also a lot of abuse after marriage, after people get into relationships. So the truth of the matter is you have to go backwards. And if a man does not pursue you, if a man is not sober, and if a man is not uplifting and and stable. Making you feel like you are a wonderful person and brightening your light and you’re inspired by his current behavior, then you are essentially creating a trauma dynamic where you are going to have to take care of him and feel like you have to consistently earn.
His love or make the relationship work out or be afraid of it, of it not working out. ’cause it was never truly the right one for you. So I think this isn’t about our emotions of like, well, you know, I think this is about looking at facts and looking about what causes relationships to sustain over time.
And also interfaith marriages have known to just cause a lot of havoc. Also, we’re here to spiritually grow and if one person finds one thing very spiritual and the other person has no interest in that. Over time that actually causes a lot of dynamics to, to fall apart. So we just need to look at what’s worked and what hasn’t worked and be a little bit more humble about not feeling like we’re different in the process.
Yeah. ’cause we have so many differences that we need to overcome.
Yeah.
Spirituality, um, some of us are from different, cultural background. There’s so many other things. I know it’s difficult because we’re human beings. We’re emotional about everything, his grandmother’s name is this, and you know, the relationships and the ties that we saw between his family and our family, all of those things.
But that’s really not what a relationship should be built on. That’s really like the icing on the cake, the substance that you mentioned.
Yeah, and I just think that, you know, if you’re focused on synchronicities, like, you know, his mom was from this, you know, his mom was named Mary Sue, and my mom’s name was Mary Sue. Or like, you know, his kid got a DUI and my kid got a DUI and like we, no one, no one understand, like, you know what? If you’re even there like, and that like you’re so far into the toxicity, like you’re so far into the toxicity.
The women who focus on synchronicities, even if they’re true, even if you know both grandmas were named Mary Jane. It is so. It’s such an illumination of the toxicity ’cause no one in a stable, healthy, calm relationship ever, ever said, well, like he’s my person because you know, no one will understand me like him.
And he had this happen and I had that happen. And they’re both so similar and we get each other’s wounds. Like, no one speaks like that. Like if you listen, I mean, I’m a relationship expert, so I, I’m listening all the time. The women in healthy situations are like, this is healthy, this work, he’s pursuing me.
He’s sensitive, he shows up, he pays like, it’s so like calm. And the women who are in unhealthy relationships are bringing up the synchronicities and, and the same dates and the same names, and the same like situa. And it’s like, you know what? That’s what you’re holding onto. Like that’s just an illumination of how weak your relationship is, not how spiritually connected it is.
Alright, I’m enjoying this conversation so far hey friends, quick pause. If you’re enjoying today’s episode, the best way to support the show is to share it and leave a rating on your favorite podcast platform. And you know it. Five is our favorite number, and if you’re watching on YouTube, don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share.
Thank you.
Okay, so we are back. And now we’re gonna make a little bit of a shift. We’re gonna talk about forgiveness and the role that it plays in our relationship. So first, can you define forgiveness for us, and why is it such a critical component of a healthy, mind, body, uh, relationship?
That’s such a great question because forgiveness is essential to our, um, our level of enlightenment or a level of growth or a level of self-love. If we don’t know how to love ourselves, that means we don’t understand the power of forgiveness because forgiveness is saying, I choose to no longer hold onto pain that I know will destroy me, and it’s irrelevant.
On who did it or what they did, but you understand that there is now a power that you have to live in a higher vibration of love, and that is forgiveness. It’s about developing an awareness and compassion that only hurt people hurt, and it doesn’t make what other people did okay or acceptable or good.
But it does say. That you realize they’re just small kids who were severely traumatized that continued the trauma, and so you can release them and forgive them and find compassion in it and know that they’re gonna die or are already dead. And that holding on to the hatred. Is attaching yourself to the trauma.
Holding onto the anger of what people have done to you is attaching yourself to the trauma, and then you become a trauma filled person who’s also hurt and then hurt. People hurt. Now you’re no better because you’re gonna lash out on other people by accident through your own insecurities and scars. So having forgiveness for yourself as well as others is like a fundamental necessity to truly love.
Let’s add to that and talk about how the unresolved hurt or lack of forgiveness show up in business, uh, decisions, leadership or, or burnout.
I mean, the lack of forgiveness definitely causes burnout in relationships. I mean, for me, even, I had an incident with this, like I went on a big business trip.
And something didn’t go the right way, and I started to beat myself up, like verbally in my head. And then I was like, that’s not gonna help anything. Like, it doesn’t help to be upset with yourself. And so I needed to forgive myself and say, you know what? I made a mistake. I didn’t have the right mindset.
I didn’t go the way that I wanted, but this is just one day in my long life. This is just one business moment in a life filled with business moments. And God is in control. And I didn’t create this alone. And that it’s okay to let go and know I’m still worthy and know that I’m still loved, and know that the only person who has to believe in myself is me, and that the only person I have to answer to is God, not to allow other people to be Gods.
Like just because money is important to you or a relationship is important to you, you don’t wanna make your relationship or money God. Like they don’t have that power and you don’t wanna give them power over you. In a sense that you become a victim to trying to manage that. So forgiveness is really key to holding onto your money because you don’t accidentally self-sabotage or decrease your energy by staying in pain.
Yeah. So you don’t decrease your energy by staying in pain. I have seen it so many times where we give ourselves excuses for staying in pain in situations. That don’t serve us. And those situations drain our energy. So we’re not effective in our businesses, we’re not effective in our relationship.
We’re not effective in so many other places because it drains our energy. So let’s talk about what happens when forgiveness is skipped. What are some things that could happen there?
When forgiveness is not practiced, essentially you become bitter and you see yourself as smaller than other people, and therefore you then develop a superiority and inferiority complex like you’ll get accidentally triggered when you feel other people are more ahead of you or.
Are doing better than you. Or if they say something that hurts your feelings, you might feel sad or lash out. So not forgiving is also allowing, uh, trauma to live in your body, which causes less energy. Physical ailments, headaches, stomach aches, back aches. Um, when we hold onto anger inside our bodies, our bodies keep score.
So if you don’t learn how to forgive, not only do you recreate trauma in your relationships, like you will attract people who will take advantage of you. Um, you’ll also have physical lower energy in life because you’re unconsciously still holding all of that in in you.
Yeah. Let’s talk to that woman right now who may be practicing on forgiveness.
What’s one belief about love or forgiveness that you wish more women would unlearn? ’cause it, it’s to their betterment to unlearn those things.
Yeah, I mean, don’t try to get love from other people. I think still a lot of women are trying to get love from other people or have other people give them permission and approval, meaning.
Women these days are very focused on how they look, but how you look is the most uninteresting part of you. Like Mel Robins said that she was like, how I look is the least important thing. About why I am on Earth and what my purpose is. And so for women struggling with this, like reprioritize your worth, it has nothing to do with how you look or how perfect you are or how much you’re doing.
It has to do with a special, unique spark and soul inside of you that is lovable no matter what, and worthy, no matter what and when we can really go into that. I am lovable. I am worthy. I deserve, God is the only one I answer to. Like, meaning that he already loves me or she, you know, like the, the creator of the universe already knows I’m wonderful and, and good.
And if we can stay in that spiritual space of I’m here to love, receive love, and give love, then we can strip away all the falsities of how much we do or how good we look.
And social media is, is really a great contributor to the falsities, right? Yeah. Um, makes us think that this is what our standard should be, which is far from the foundational standards.
‘Cause we all need something to ground us. And for me, grounding is the word of God, right. When we are, depending on social media. We are going to be, depending on the ebbs and flows of social media, what’s in today rather than some foundational thing, some foundational belief.
So, um, I want you to speak directly to that woman right now who is unsure where she should go. Just speak directly to her heart and to who she is. What are some things that she can do right now, or maybe just one thing that she can do to start recognizing who she is as a powerful being that she’s created to be.
Start looking into the mirror, into your own eyes. If I’m speaking to, let’s say one woman right now, when you wake up in the morning, look into the mirror in your eyes, not at your body, and get into a really great practice of saying, I love myself. I really love myself, I love myself.
I approve of myself while looking in the mirror in your eyes. And seeing your soul and feeling your own energy and taking media breaks. You know, I don’t sleep near my phone. I don’t touch it for the last 90 minutes before I go to bed, and the first 90 minutes when I wake up, like, your phone is toxic.
It’s other people’s insecurities or ulterior motives or businesses or, you know, all of the, you know, a lot of social media isn’t pure, even if it’s neutral. And so. You wanna make sure that you first connect with yourself in the morning, your first 90 minutes. Like you don’t touch your phone.
And if you say it’s an alarm clock, that’s the worst excuse. You can order an alarm clock on Amazon for like five bucks. And you wanna just understand that you need to control your energy, not have other people’s energy control you, and by default of going onto social media, you’re being influenced whether you like it or not, by other people’s intentions instead of using your own intention to create your dream.
Life.
Yeah. I, I suggest to clients that they remove apps from their phones and just have it on the computer. Access it on the computer rather than on the phone. Because then you have more control, if you need to keep the apps on the phone, turn off the notifications, uh, because you are controlled by, Ooh, let me see what that, what is that?
My phone stays on silent a hundred percent of the time. Yeah, because I don’t wanna be controlled by what’s going on. I create my calendar, I create my day rather than allow my phone to direct it. Yeah, because that way is chaos. It really is.
Is chaos confusion. You’re like, why am I in a bad mood?
Yes. Yes.
Because you never, the things that are eye gates or air gates, right. The things that come in. Sometimes we don’t realize the influence they have on us because you may start thinking a certain way. You wonder where did that thought come from? The things you’re consuming, um, or the words you use and you’re like, wow, why did I even think that word? What are you reading? What are you watching? Yeah. And we’re not here to stand on moral ground or to stand as lord over you, but we’re talking from our experience and from studying and from the things that we’ve seen and working with clients.
So let’s talk about therapy. All of us have trauma in some, some sense, but there’s some that are deeper than others. And for us to build that healthy relationship, sometimes we may need to go to therapy. What are some things that would indicate to her or that she may need to look for in a therapist
yeah, I mean, it’s a really great question. First of all, I’m a big believer in therapy. I’ve had my own therapy. I’ve gotten therapy. I am a therapist. So first of all, if you’re interested in, in something you know, specifically regards to healing and your relationships and, uh, family and love, like really just getting your relationships.
On that next level because you’re on that next level, you can book a free call with me. That’s what Dr. Sev put up. It’s ww dot connect with Chaya.com. There you go. It’s literally my calendar link. Just book a call. As long as you are a woman who is able and ready to invest your time, your energy, your emotions, finances, your focus on yourself, book a call.
This is for you to transform and actually say instead of how much do things cost? It’s like, what is it worth for you to get your life back, for you to have your dream relationship come into life for stability, for, uplift and inspiration, to be not just an idea, but your daily life.
Um, so definitely gimme a call, book a call that through that link, and thank you Dr. Sev, for putting that up. Um, and I think that therapy’s important because we can’t expect to use our own mind. To get outta the mess that we’ve created. We have belief systems that we’ve used over and over and over again for decades, and a lot of them are unconscious and only through an objective party who gets to know you and love you and see your worth, can you unravel those beliefs and actually replace them with ones that
give you a great life.
So here is an opportunity for you to get some, uh, bird’s eye view. ’cause we are emotionally connected to everything that we do. But for somebody else coming in and looking in who has no emotional connection, they’re able to really see what’s going on and give us another perspective. So again
w ww connect with Chaya.com and that’s C-O-N-N-E-C-T-W-I-T-H-C-H-A-Y-A.com. And book a consultation doesn’t cost you anything but a few minutes.
Yeah.
So tell us what you have going on that we can support.
I have now a mastermind that you guys are welcome to join.
Um, it is a really powerful, transformative mastermind, which is an exclusive group coaching as well as privates and a community. That is made for women who have had narcissism in their past, either with relationships or family members, who’ve had addiction in their past. And just really want to make sure never to repeat those patterns by accident women who are genuinely looking to get married to the right man.
But not sure how to navigate the murky waters and the unhealthy men. In the dating pool. So if you’re interested in really attracting your dream partner, knowing how to get there, as well as how and who to avoid, then also book a call free consultation. We’ll see if you’re a right fit and we can get you started from there.
Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your expertise with us, uh, today. And as we wrap up this conversation. My hope is that you walk away thinking about love a little differently. Not as something we chase or perfect, but something we practice with intention. Forgiveness, self-awareness and emotional honesty aren’t just personal tools. They’re foundational to sustainable relationships and sustainable lives. If something in today’s episode serve reflection for you sit with it let it guide your next small shift, and as always. Please Take care of yourself and your money.
